UGH UGH UGH

GOD.

I hate myself sometimes!

I was having such a good day and then I have to go off and be like this!

Grrr.

It's hard enough knowing that I only have two more weeks left with Zakk...well, less than now! 12 days. I have only 12 days left with Zakk until I'm shipped off back home for the summer. 200 miles away. 3 hours. It sucks. And it's hard enough knowing that, but then I go to start packing things up and cleaning things, and I go and put the stuff he has in my room in a pile and what do I do?

I start to fucking CRY!

Errrgh!

I mean, I'm still within 100 feet of him even in this very moment, but I'm just heartbroken knowing we're going to be that far apart all summer. Whatever happened to being excited for the summer? To have freedom to do what you want with your friends? That's the last thing I am right now!

If I could have it my way, I'd be able to stay on this side of the state year round. Hell, I want to move out here permanantly! To be with my friends, with my love! To not have to be stuck in a town that hates you for four months straight, where you don't feel accepted, appreciated, or loved. Out here in Ypsi, in Ann Arbor, in Livonia, I do!!!! With Zakk, I feel like the luckiest girl, the most special girl, and just beautiful! Whenever I hear him, see him, am around him...it's like I'm flying! It's like I finally know what true happiness really is! This is how I'm supposed to feel!

And now I get to be flung back to the previous state of hell I was in? No thank you!

I just want to never have to feel depressed again...ya know? But all I can think of when I think of going back to Niles alone, is how horrid and awful last summer was! It was the worst experience of my life. I'd rather kill myself than to go back and relive that. I don't want to have to be around those people, to see his face again. I don't know what I'd do, or what he'd do, and that scares me. A lot. I don't feel safe there when I'm alone.

And when I was packing up and sorting through Zakk's belonging's it just kinda felt like I would be saying goodbye for good. Even though I know I'm not! But it just feels like some cruel joke the world was playing on me. It's like, "Hey, you! Here's your very own Superman to save you" and then, "Alright, now that you've had your fun, you get to give him back."

I miss him terribly, and we've yet to say goodbye. It's completely messed up, I know. My friends say that's just how love is, and that's how you're supposed to feel.

Hmph.

Dreams CAN be achieved!

Dear Zakk,

I know your dream, to you,
Is unattainable to seek,
But if you'd just take a closer look,
To me, that dream was reached.

I know you don't wear tights,
And you can't literally fly,
But, Babe, one look from you,
And you've got me soaring 'cross the sky!

You may not be a vigilante,
And you might not fight 'real' crime,
But everyday you fight away
The Demons I call mine.

So what if you can't shoot energy,
Or don't wear a mask and cape?
You've never needed neither
To help me to escape!

Babe, you've saved me time and time again,
Just because you can.
You already are a superhero!
Babe, you're my SUPERMAN!

One Show Down...

So tonight marked the last performance of EMU's Student Written One Act Festival. And all I've got to say was that it was a million times better than last year's!!!! I had a much better experience and it was a lot more fun! I'd like to think that our run went really well, too!

And when it comes to my acting, I've decided to not worry about it as much. I've realized I think too much when I act, and that's my problem! When I don't think, I respond much better! And when I do think...well...let's just say things don't always go so well....

But on the brighter side, we only had one so-so performance, and the rest were really really great!!!!

On another note, tomorrow Zakk and I head to Niles for Easter weekend with my family!!! I am SOOOOO oober excited! It's the first time he really gets to meet my family and spend time with them and whatnot.

I'm not even nervous one bit!

Which I think is a good thing, when it comes down to it!

I really think they'll like him a lot, I know I do!

I love him, more than anything!

Audio...

So.

News Flash.

I hate Audio.

Just sayin'.

Annie, are you okay?

Funny that I should be listening to Alien Ant Farm's version of Michael Jackson's song Smooth Criminal whilst I'm working on my latest monologue which is, in fact about a character named 'Annie'...

Anyways...right now I'm under a lot of stress. I've been procrastinating a shit ton lately and I have a lot due this week that I haven't even started working on. Even taking the time to blog this is procrastination! I don't know, I'm just not into school as much this year as I have been in the past...

Maybe it's because I'm legitimately happy for the first time in my life and I don't need school as a distraction...

I don't know.

Whatever the reason, currently I need it to stop distracting me so I can finish this year!!!

Opening Night...

So tonight was the first night of the Student Written One Acts.

I'd like to think they went well.

Well, I had fun at least!

My family came in to see them, so that was exciting to see my parents and lil' bro come to see shows, that, I know, they most likely didn't approve of. But still, they came, and that's all that matters!

So now, I only have 4 more shows to go! And then Easter Break, which I'm excited for, because that's when Zakk comes to Niles for the first time!!!! I'm ooberly excited!!!

Oh yeah, it's also my birthday...but that's besides the point...

Anyways, that's all for nows!!!

A New Page in an Old Book...

Sooooooo............

I just recently came across a bunch of old writing I did in middle school and high school and it really made me want to start writing again.

Here's the thing:

I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT!!!!

It's a teeny bit frustrating.

Slightly.

But anyways, I also remembered that I used to write blogs a lot, too. Even if it was only one line a day...So I figured that since I have this blog, I might as well use it, right? Even if it's only 2 words a day...I'm writing, dammit!

So, with that being that...I suppose that'll be my first entry for now....look for more tomorrow!!!!