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This was an everyday thing;

I never learned my lesson and the routine never changed;

I'm just another day closer to the rest of my life...

Summer 2010

Wow.

So far this summer has been nothing like I planned. And I regret not getting on here to write as much as I should be. Anyways, here's an update:

I spent the first few weeks of the summer filling out job application after job application. I filled out a total of like 63 I think. It's all I did. And when I wasn't filling out job applications I was busy stressing out about the huge 'What Ifs' if I didn't get one. Basically I worked myself into quite the mess.

However, during these first few weeks I did have some pretty nifty distractions while not having a job. Everyday from 8am to 1pm I was at Ring Lardner Middle School teaching choreography to the choirs for their huge spring show. I was doing 4 hours of choreography each day! This was a ton of fun as I love the kids and they are a blast to work with! The show ended up going really amazing as well! Unfortunately, as a consequence for doing lots and lots of choreography everyday with no real rest, I ended up giving myself a terrible case of Tendonitis in my left Achilles so now it hurts to do basically anything. Major Lame.

Eventually, I did get a call back from a couple places I applied to, and I'm now working at Taco Bell and Payless Shoes. Both places are good jobs, I'm just going crazy trying to schedule work between the two places and soon I'm going to have to schedule in rehearsal time for the show I'm doing this summer. Basically, I'm going to have no free time! This week alone I'm working 44 hours!

On the lovely date of May 14th I got a lovely visit from a very lovely man; Zakk Saam came to visit me, My Love, My Superman. I hadn't seen him for a full 3 weeks, and currently that has been the longest we have gone without seeing each other. Trust me, it sucks big time! He means the world to me, and having never done a distance relationship before, this is horrible to me! Everyday I'm going through withdrawl symptoms. He is my drug, basically. But, it's a good drug, I assure you!!! We spent a lovely weekend full of movies, TV, cuddly, napping, music, writing, and laughing :) It was great, and well deserved, I think. Unfortunately, right now it's not looking like I'm going to get to see him until July, which majorly sucks! That'll be a whole month and a half without him, and that reeeeeeeeeally sucks. But, hopefully with my jobs it'll distract me enough.

Recently I've been having a lot of issues with my Anxiety and my Depression, and it's been really stressful and hard. I need to spend some time really working on me this summer. It's hard, because I'm having to go through this without meds because I'm trying to get off them, but yeah. Hopefully I'll figure out my own type of therapy that'll get things back to how they should be.

So yeah, there's a quick update!!!!

Oh, here's a shoutout: I LOVE YOU SUPERMAN!!!

Proof that Girls are, in fact, Evil

I'm on a Boat!!!.....I mean, Mission...I'm on a Mission!

Sooooo...

Not that it really matters, but I just typed up a really long entry and then the Internet gods decided they were going to be all high and mighty and delete so that all the people who don't read this blog won't get to see it.

Yay.

So, here's the shortened entry.

I finally figured out what's been getting me so anxious, paranoid, panicky, and nervous. And you know what??? There isn't a fucking thing I can do about it! Which sucks. But at the same time, it's slightly comforting, because knowing that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it means that I'm not doing something that I could do. So that's put me slightly at ease. Like >.01% at ease....but still, it's something, right???

On another note, I am slowly coming up with a list of goals for this summer, and here is the list I've compiled thus far:

-Finish editing Milk Nights for the last time!!!
-Finish the first draft of Indie-A-Go-Go
-Start/Finish the Mordred Screenplay
-Play piano everyday and start writing songs again

As I work on each of these goals I plan on writing about it here....not that anyone reads this, but at least it'll be fun at the end of the summer to go back through these posts and watch my progress. But mainly, my goal is to start writing again. I used to write all the time, and get in trouble for doing it in school...writing was fun for me, and I've never been really good at something, but writing was always something that I was at least decent with. I don't really plan on publishing anything, or filming anything or performing...I know I'm not good enough for that, but it'd be good for me. And it'll bring the creative side of me back, and I need that. I'm sick of the serious shit. It's no good for me.

Finals Week

So it's the first day of finals week and I'm in major panic mode....As usual! I have a million and a half performances to do, as well as tests. And then on top of all of that, I have to somehow convince myself to pack up all my stuff and move out...and I'm having a lot of trouble with that, because I don't see any positives of going home.

One Week...

To most people, the last week of the school year is bittersweet; It's sweet because it's the last week of school, and bitter because they'll leave their school friends for a few months.

Well for me, the last week of my 2nd year of college is nothing but bitter, because next Friday I leave for home for FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Let me restate that.

I live at least three hours away from the majority of my closest friends. And it sucks that for a third of the year I don't get to see them :( But most of all, I won't get to see Zakk. I have spent pretty much everyday of the past 7 and a half months with him, and I can't imagine life without him. Basically, I'm already starting to get separation anxiety. But I know things will work out between us, I do.

But yeah...right now I'm just trying to enjoy every bit of these last few days in Ypsi...even if it means enjoying finals....










Oh yeah, I also want to learn how to wrestle.

12 days...

Something is obviously wrong with me.

Normal people aren't like this.

Normal people don't feel this way.

Normal people just aren't.....me

:'(